A Longing
by smokescreen
Summary: Piccolo feels it's time to return to Namek, but he's in two minds about whether to tell Gohan, what will he decide? Chapter 4 Finally up! Yeah it's an annual event i know
1. Default Chapter

O Ok I am not sure if this has been done, but to me it seems to obvious not to have been done before, but I   
was just thinking and it struck me so I went for it. If the basic plot of this happens in GT I have no idea coz   
I live in Britain and we haven't had those episodes yet. But any way let me know what you think of the first   
chapter.  
  
  
A Longing  
  
Piccolo sighed. He looked out to the mountains, the sun was setting, it had just reached the ridge of the   
snow capped tops, releasing a burst of red into the sky. Unlike most people Piccolo saw this serene   
landscape, and thought of how it reminded him of a wound that never closed. The reds and oranges stirred   
into the purple as the sun moved lower in the sky. Piccolo couldn't help but think that it looked like the   
mixing of a namekians blood with another.  
  
Piccolo sat on his ridge waiting for the gradual appearance of the night, the last remaining beams of sun   
made the sweat glisten on the warriors face, training seemed to be the only tool he had for taking his mind   
off the feeling in the pit of his stomach. He dreaded when he was forced to retire because of fatigue, if he   
wasn't training his mind would wander back to this sense emptiness. It had gradually gotten stronger after   
Majin Buu had been destroyed, his mind kept going back to his home planet Namek. He had only been   
there for a short time, but it had been a beautiful sight and one of his favourite memories. But it had only   
left him wanting more, he had been devastated when Namek had bee destroyed, he felt for his fellow   
Namekians, but he couldn't help but feel more cheated than they were. To have something that he had   
longed for his whole life put in front of him, only to be taken away in such a cruel way, it was as if he could   
still hear Frieza laughing at what his destruction had caused.   
  
He didn't feel as if he was needed here anymore, in fact the truth was he hadn't felt needed by anyone in   
a long time. He missed that sensation, as much as he hated to admit it. He wondered if it was that feeling   
that made Goku such an unrelenting opponent, the knowledge that you were needed, knowing that if you   
were called upon you had the ability to protect your loved ones.  
  
If the world is a stage, then Piccolo felt that he had played his part, and although he may have received a   
standing ovation he was now forgotten and cast into the wings, only to return as a supporting character in a   
drama that was perhaps to big for even him to comprehend.   
  
When Gohan had asked him why he had not returned to the new Namek, he had simply told the boy that he   
felt he was needed on Earth. Where in fact it had been one of many reasons why he had stayed. He had   
wanted to stay close to Gohan, he felt that with the return of Goku, the child would surely relish the   
prospect of spending some 'quality' time with his father, far more than he would his old mentor. To others   
this may have seemed the perfect reason to leave. Piccolo however , who had spent the first part of his life   
thriving on revenge and suffering, had only just experienced friendship, he wanted to hold on to it for as   
long as possible.   
  
Yet now with Gohan busy with his family, he didn't have time for Piccolo, and Piccolo wasn't the type to   
go and actually find Gohan to speak to him, instead he trained. Always the same question would come to   
the forefront of his mind.  
  
"Should I go back to Namek?" He said it aloud, yet it sounded so strange to hear himself say it. Piccolo sat   
on his ridge for a little longer, pondering his question. With another sigh he went to stand, amplified his   
energy to clothe himself presentably, then flew back to the lookout , for yet another uncomfortable night of   
sleep depravation.  
  
To be continued..  
  
I am REALLY sorry that this chapter is so short, but I was havin' a lot of trouble with it, but I wanted to   
get it done before Christmas, like most of my stories I don't know how it is gonna end so n e kinda view   
points u wanna give feel free. Thanks and Merry Christmas!!! 


	2. Sweet dreams

*Sorry this has been so long in updating but as I have said previously I have had a ton of school work to do, you really wouldn't think art would be so demanding!!!  
  
Piccolo clung to the lifeless form of Gohan, bringing the child closer to his chest, as his jade cheeks were cascaded by a torrent of tears. Suddenly it became hard to breathe, his ears rang with laughter. His eyes became a contradiction to himself, shining with a mixture of emotion. Fear, hate total and utter helplessness. Yet at the same time, they were completely empty. Suddenly the body of his student began to move. Piccolo looked down upon Gohan, Piccolo's expression turned to that of complete horror. Gohans face turned until his empty sockets were looking into the onyx eyes of his mentor.  
  
" You failed me!" the child stated. Then he began to scream again.  
  
Piccolo grabbed at his chest and lurched forward.  
  
Relief hit his chest as it was filled with air. Piccolo bent over his legs to try and fill his lungs. After a moment Piccolo composed himself, he pushed his bed sheets off of his sweaty figure and threw his legs over the side of his bed. There he sat, hunched over, his arms by his side clinging to the rim of the bed, occasionally scratching at the cloth. He could feel the tightness of his cheeks, from his tears drying, and his upper arms ached where he had clung to Gohan.  
Piccolo had had this dream for several nights, it was always the same. Nappa would fire his ki blast straight at the young halfling , Piccolo would run to intercede, but he would always be too late. The smouldering corpse of his pupil would be in front of him before he could intervene. The imagery was distressing, but did not compare to the scream. The noise was the most terrifying sound that had ever intruded into the mind of the Namekian warrior. He could still hear it in the back of his mind, he cringed and grasped the bed sides, ripping the delicate cloth between his talons.   
  
"It didn't happen" he whispered. Piccolo pulled his legs up on to the bed, and placed his head back upon his pillow. He left his sheets at the bottom of the bed, he felt suffocated and was sure that the white cloth would merely add to his problem.   
  
"It didn't happen" he repeated again, closing his eyes and bringing his knees up to his chest and placing his hand at the top of his pillow and pulling it down, to an embrace. He would never admit to such a custom, but even the most stoic of warriors needs a hug now and again, and without the presence of another being, the pillow would have to suffice. Yet Piccolo knew that he would prefer the pillow to another being any way. A pillow couldn't judge him.  
Piccolo opened his eyes and breathed a heavy sigh. He would receive no more sleep tonight, every time he closed his eyes he saw the gruesome sight of a young Gohan, his eye sockets empty and his skin charred black. He knew it wasn't real, so why was he so terrified by it?  
  
Piccolo carefully slid himself off of the bed, and walked out of his room. The dream had left residue, and Piccolo still felt as though he couldn't get enough oxygen to his lungs. He walked to the edge of the lookout, his arms by his side and his legs together, and viewed his surroundings. The starlight made his normally jade skin appear a bright neon, his eyes shone as he began to raise his sight. A single thought shot through his brain, at once he felt at peace, yet apprehensive also.  
  
"I have to leave" It sounded so simple.  
  
"Piccolo? Is everything ok?"   
  
Piccolo quickly turned to observe the intruder. It was Dende. Piccolo became angry in himself, he felt somehow violated, as if his most private thoughts were on show.   
  
" Yes Dende everything is just peachy!" the statement was simple, although with the same sarcastic tone that he often used.  
  
"If everything is "peachy" then why are you out here staring into space?" The young Guardian questioned. He was not perturbed by the curt comment made by Piccolo, he was aware that the older Namek had not been quite himself of late. He was worried about him but knew that Piccolo would never venture to talk about his troubles.  
  
" I am out here because I needed some air. Now if the interrogation is over I will return to my room" Piccolo growled softly, suggesting his irritation at the interruption. Walking past the younger Namek to get to his room. He stopped still facing forwards.   
  
"Oh and I am decided, I leave for Namek in two days!"  
  
Dende went to open his mouth to query this sudden development. Piccolo turned his head to the side, Dende could see the expression upon his face, Dende thought that for just a second that Piccolo was about to cry.  
  
"Don't, not now!!" With that Piccolo turned his head back to the front and continued his path back to his room. Dende remained outside for another ten minutes before he eventually went back to bed.   
  
Ok tell me what yer think, bad? Good? Going in the wrong direction? Any comment will be appreciated, well apart from flame because they are just plane mean!!! I will try and update again soon. 


	3. Decisions made

Ok I know..it nearly been a year..and I can only offer a HUGE GOMEN for anyone who was annoyed by my lack of attention to this story. So I promise I will update this now regularly until I have finished it....my other story Lost on the other hand I can't find....so if I can find it I'll update..until then I can only offer a simple *shrug* my computer had it's hard drive wiped over the last year so I lost most of my stories...and yes I know I should have saved them to DISK!! What do you people want from me...intelligence?  
  
Piccolo sat back on his bed and sighed, everything had been done. Over the past two days he had managed to accumulate a spaceship and enough supplies to last him the entire journey to Namek.  
The spacecraft had been a generous gift from Bulma, on the condition that he had told her what it was for, of course he had sworn her to secrecy. He knew she wouldn't be able to keep it, but who would care anyway? No one that's who! They all had their lives, why care about one Namekian? By the time anyone else found out where he had gone, he would be out of the atmosphere and out of their lives.  
  
"It's better this way" he sighed aloud, slumping back against the sheets in defeat, staring up at the ceiling as if it held the answers to any and all questions he had.   
  
"Piccolo?" Dende stood in the door way, face concerned. Piccolo had taken care of everything he need for his trip. Yet he had avoided possibly the most important part of his leaving.  
  
"What is it Dende?" Piccolo growled slightly, more in frustration of himself rather then the young Guardians interruption of his thoughts.  
  
"I..uh..well you're going in the morning and....i..well" The young Namek stuttered not sure how to phrase his question, knowing that it would not result in the easiest conversations. Not that any conversation regarding emotions with Piccolo was easy.  
  
"Spit it out Dende!" Piccolo sat up and barked, his patience thinned.  
  
" When are you going to tell Gohan?" Dende looked down at his feet as he said it, not wanting to meet Piccolo's eyes, knowing that by now they would have narrowed into slits of ivory.  
  
"That's none of your concern! Is that all or did you want something else?" His voice was low, almost dangerous. He didn't even give Dende a glance to clarify the Guardians suspicion, he stared straight ahead, but his eyes had indeed narrowed, his lips had been pulled back into a sneer, fangs glinting in the dull light of his room.   
  
"Piccolo, you'll regret it if you don't at least say good bye. Gohan is practically a son to you, I know how you must feel but..."  
  
"You have no idea how I feel, now leave me alone!"   
  
Dende looked up, not prepared for what he saw. Piccolo sat on the end of his bed, feet firmly planted on the floor, shoulder hunched over, hands clasped in the middle of his knees as if in a prayer, elbows digging into the soft flesh of his thighs, head bowed eyes closed.  
Dende blinked, not sure if the vision before him had been distorted in some way. The way he sat made him appear vulnerable, almost defeated. Not something you often associated with someone like Piccolo, someone who had kept a wall between his emotions and the people around him. He doubted whether even Gohan had scratched deeper then the surface.   
  
" Piccolo...I" That was all he could manage, somehow the words in his head diminished what he wanted to say.  
  
"I said leave, now go Dende!" Piccolo's voice had become quiet, softer, almost pained. Yet it still possessed the commanding tone it always had.  
  
*Dende bit his lip and took a step inside the room. Walking towards the emerald warrior he placed a small jade hand on Piccolo's shoulder.  
  
"Piccolo....it's ok...I" His hand was pushed away, only to be engulfed by a fist.  
  
"What part of leave did you not understand?" Piccolo looked up, anger flashing through pure onyx encased in ivory.  
  
"But Piccolo...you seem so..it can't hurt to talk about it" That was all he could manage to get out. He had never seen Piccolo look at him with those eyes, and it scared him.  
  
" I don't want to talk about it, and I don't want your pity...now if you find my instructions so hard to follow, allow ME TO SHOW YOU!!" His voice rose into a roar as his grip tightened on the young Namkeians wrist as he dragged Dende to the door, placing Dende on the other side of the doorframe.  
"NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!" With that the door was slammed. Dende's shoulders slumped in defeat, as he walked back his room, rubbing his wrist.  
  
Piccolo stood with his back to the door, chest heaving, fists clenching and unclenching. A single tear rolled down his cheek, he wiped it away viscously, catching a talon on his skin, ripping it away, only to have his tear replaced with one of violet.   
He ran a hand over his face, pushing his attenae back over his head, only to have them flop back into his eyes. Flaring his ki he donned his uniform purple gi and white cape and turban. Walking out of the door the usually white marble of the Lookout floor, turned a dark blue by the night sky, stars dancing on the floor as he walks to the edge. The violet lace congealing on his cheek in the cool air. Closes his eyes soflty, breathing out deeply, leaping off the edge, making his way to his training ground.   
  
Throws his turban and cape to the floor before his feet even touch the ground. Throwing back his elbows as if they were to meet in the middle of his back and roaring, spitting into two, without a seconds hesitation they are fighting. Punches thrusting, legs flying, the ground beneath them becoming damp with the streamsof blood before finally an emerald form falls to the floor, merging with his other. He lies there for a few moments, breathing heavily a strange wheezing sound coming from his chest. Wincing, pushes himself to his feet, concentrating he hears the slick pop of several fingers and one ear growing back, along with the crunches of ribs and bones realigning. With a sigh he sits and lies back against the cool grass, the back of his gi darkening with the dew already building on the individual blades, his skin a dusky green in the dim light. Closing his eyes he lets out yet another sigh. The feeling in the pit of his stomach had grown over the last two days, even more so when he had thought about how he was going to tell Gohan of his departure. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to tell Gohan. Maybe it was better for him to simply believe that Piccolo was still on the Lookout, watching over him, like he had done for so many years. They hadn't seen each other for years, would the young Demi- Sayian really miss him that much? Piccolo did not think that he would, after all he had Videl now, how could he possibly compare?  
  
"I can't" slowly opening his eyes as he answers his own question. "I am over thinking this, making myself to be far more important to Gohan then I really am, I am no more then an old mentor. Forgotten." His voice is soft, softer them most would have believed it could have been. He looks in the direction of Gohan's house, a place he has seen many times but never actually visited.  
  
"Good Bye Gohan, I hope you know how much you mean to me, because I can never really tell you." Voice almost a whisper, looks to his feet and stands, flaring his ki dressing himself and flying into the sky towards the Lookout, shoulders slumped in a cowardly defeat.  
  
To be continued...  
  
Ok if you are enjoying this story so far then I suggest you find and author called Desertdweller, she is on FF.net, and thank her, because with out her constant nagging *achem* friendly nudging then I probably would have left this story. Plus her stories kick ass, so I would read those as well, because she is far better then me. Thanks Dania:D 


	4. Discovery

* OK yeah I know, I know it's been another year and I have still only updated once, I really don't know where the time keeps going, I think I'm getting old, anyway hopefully I'll keep it up this year, if not it'll give you something to look forward to next year ^_~   
  
Gohan stared as the clear liquid trickled down the white tiles of his shower wall, following it down to the plug hole, where it swirled in a dance of it's own before moving into the drain. A loud bang at the door is what eventually snaps him out of his trance.  
  
"Gohan, it's been over an hour, are you ever going to get out of there?"  
  
Gently sighing, he hadn't realised it had been so long. " Yes...Sorry Videl, I guess I just lost track, just give me a minute." A snort is heard, but he can hear her footsteps moving away from the door. Slowly he reaches up, pushing a button the water cuts off, pulling the door sideways he steps out, drying himself off and placing a towel around his waist, twisting it slightly so it stays. Running his fingers through his hair, ruffling it slightly to get any extra flecks of water out of it, opening the door and moving swiftly to his bedroom.  
  
Opening his wardrobe and having a look inside to see what's on offer, discarding his towel and slipping into a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, feeling more comfortable, he makes his way to the kitchen, half hoping that Videl is in some other part of the house. Going down the fridge and finding enough scraps to make a decent sandwich, he moves back to his bedroom.   
  
Stepping in and closing the door he looks around the room, at the small single bed with a writing desk beside it, and a matching wardrobe. Smiling wanly he sits down to eat his sandwich thinking silently as he does so. It's funny, when he married Videl he didn't foresee any of this happening, after the loss of their first child Videl had changed, she seemed to shudder every time he went to touch or hug her. He had been there for her all through the miscarriage, and after as well, telling her not to blame herself and that it wasn't her fault. Doing the right thing, as he had been taught and believed he should do, but nothing helped, they had lost the child and Videl had never seemed to have been able to forgive herself, or him for the tragedy.   
  
He thought the idea of having separate bedrooms was a good one, give her some space, let her deal with it the way she wants, but it had only succeeded in driving the wedge further between them, he still loved his wife, but something was missing and had been for sometime now.  
  
Also over the past month he had felt something nagging at him, like something from his life was missing, but he couldn't put a finger on it. He trusted his feelings, that was one aspect of his life he could always count on.  
  
Placing the plate on the side and lying back to look at the ceiling, just letting his mind wander, he needed someone to talk to about this mess, he had discussed it with his Father, and Goku had given sound advice, but sometimes you need a second opinion. He didn't want to suggest a possible divorce to his Mother, that was incomprehensible to Chichi. Who else was there, Piccolo perhaps, but then again what would he know about marriage? Closing his eyes softly nearly dosing, left with the thought that even though Piccolo may not be able to help him, it would be nice to see his old Sensei again, it had been so long, and he missed him.  
  
Within seconds of the thought registering, Gohan's eyes snapped open, jumping off the bed and out of the door, becoming a blur as he ran down the stair out of the front door and into the sky.  
  
That's what was missing, he couldn't feel Piccolo anymore, although he hadn't talked to his Teacher in a long time, and had stopped visiting him, he could always FEEL him, always. Now it was gone, which suggested that Piccolo...  
  
"No, he can't be, the dragonballs are still here..but if not that then?" A horrible thought occurred to him, maybe he had left it so long the bond had faded, or Piccolo himself had severed it, not wanting to feel his student any longer.   
  
Flying with all the speed he could manage, he made his way to the Tenki, all possible thoughts running through his head, emotions moving from hurt, anger and shame. Landing gently on the Tenki, feeling the cold marble beneath his feet, he had been in such a rush he had forgotten his shoes, making his way towards the ornate marble building, intending to get some answers.  
  
  
  
" I was wondering when you would notice" A quiet voice from the shadows ahead stop the Demi-Sayian in his tracks.  
  
"Who?" Following the sound of the voice he tries to track the figure.   
  
"It's me Gohan, Dende. It's been over a month, it took you that long to notice." The small Guardian steps out into the light, looking at Gohan, not with dislike, but more with disappointment.  
  
"What took me so long to notice, you mean Piccolo? Where is he Dende, is he ok?" Lowering his voice to a whisper "He's not...he's not dead is he?"  
  
"Namek Gohan, he went to Namek. I asked him to tell you he was going, why he didn't only he knows." Making his way towards Gohan, Dende keeps his voice low. "But I think I'm beginning to understand why he left."  
  
Opening his mouth to speak but finding himself without the words, lowering his head gently and shaking it in disbelief. How could this happen, how could he have let it happen? The feeling of shame in his stomach was awful, it felt like someone had repeatedly punched him there.  
  
" I don't know how he is, all I know is that he made it there, but he hasn't been in contact since."  
  
" I have to find him...to tell him" Looking at Dende, and directly into his eyes " I will find him"  
  
To be continued  
  
Hope you like it, I'll try and update more now, I really will, I promise I will. 


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